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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Excited for New ‘Nut Kroeker’ Ballet

February 28, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After centuries of strict opposition to dancing of any sort, a new radical sect of Mennonites is set to perform the world’s first Anabaptist ballet – the Nut Kroeker. “It will surely become […]

Unger Conviction

Church Attendance Takes Huge Hit After Pastor Excommunicates Anyone Who Doesn’t Reply to His Email

February 24, 2025 Andrew

CORN, OK Pastor Mark’s new “accountability and discipleship plan” has totally backfired, after not a single parishioner replied to his email asking them to keep track of their hours of Bible reading and service. “I’ve […]

Unger the Influence

Uncle Disappointed that His Incessant Political Posts Go Totally Unappreciated

February 22, 2025 Andrew

MT. REINTHAL, TX Uncle Dave has been posting 7 to 10 political memes every day now for the past 10 years or so and can’t for the life of him figure out why no one […]

Unger the Influence

Feds Announce New High-Speed Rail Line Between Morden and Winkler

February 19, 2025 Andrew

MORDEN-WINKLER, MB Days before the upcoming election, the federal government has committed upwards of $80 billion to build a high-speed rail line in the five mile stretch between Morden and Winkler. “There will be stops […]

Unger the Influence

Elon Musk Accidentally Fires Himself

February 18, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC President Musk has been so busy haphazardly cutting government workers that he inadvertently fired himself this afternoon. “And the problem is it all happened so fast that now I can’t even hire myself […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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