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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Three Mennonites Hospitalized After Brutal Drive-By Shunning

December 7, 2016 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Three young Mennonites are in critical condition this weekend after a random drive-by shunning at a local Wal-Mart. “We’re not yet sure what prompted the shunning,” said Police Chief Dennis Dueck. “We think […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Unimpressed With Ken Ham’s Replica Ark

December 6, 2016 Andrew

WILLIAMSTOWN, KY Young Earth creationist Ken Ham’s $100,000,000 replica of Noah’s Ark in small town Kentucky has attracted visitors from near and far, including a few Mennonites who were willing to shell out the hefty […]

The Daily Bonnet

B.C. Relatives are Really Proud of Their Inability to Survive Harsh Manitoba Winters

December 6, 2016 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Mennonites across the Fraser Valley, many of whom once lived on the frozen prairie tundra, have gone soft in recent years and can no longer survive more than a few minutes outside their […]

The Daily Bonnet

Abe’s Hill to Become Manitoba Star Attraction

December 5, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A mound of dirt in Steinbach now sits alongside The Forks, The Canadian Museum for Human Rights, and the polar bears of Churchill as a Manitoba ‘Star Attraction.’ The pile of dirt known […]

Unger Suspicion

Mr. Smith is Asked “You’re Not From Around Here, Are You?” Every Single Day of His Life

December 5, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Despite the fact that four generations of Smiths have lived in the Steinbach area, and there’s even an arena named after one of them, Mr. Thomas Smith, 41, is still asked every day […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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