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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Hymn 606 to Undergo Major Overhaul

January 25, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN After dozens of complaints that the same old Hymn 606 just wasn’t cutting it anymore, the Mennonite Church has decided to dramatically overhaul the lyrics and melody of the famous hymn. “People were just […]

Unger Suspicion

Pacifist Lions on Verge of Extinction

January 24, 2017 Andrew

KRUGER NP, SOUTH AFRICA According to recent reports by wildlife biologists in South Africa, the population of pacifist lions has been in steady decline over the past few decades. The number of non-resistent lions is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Lingerie Now Available at Aganetha’s Secret

January 23, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Ladies all around the Altona area are really excited about the opening of a new store that specializes in Mennonite lingerie. Started by local woman Mrs. Aganetha Siemens, 63, the new store features undergarments […]

The Daily Bonnet

Treble Teens Teach ‘Step-touch’ to New Generation of Mennonites

January 23, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For more than three decades, from the 60s through the 80s, youth choir the Treble Teens were Steinbach’s most famous export, travelling across the globe with their beautiful voices and almost-dancing. Forbidden by the community […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Russian Mennonite’ Shocked to Discover He’s Actually Dutch

January 22, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local man Arnold F. Thiessen, 81, like many Mennonites in western Canada, spent his entire life under the false impression that he was a ‘Russian’. “All these years I’ve been eating borscht, cheering […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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