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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Works His Usual 18 Hours on Labour Day

September 5, 2016 Andrew

YARROW, BC Exhibiting the most extreme manifestation of the “Protestant work ethic,” local butcher Helmut Siemens of Yarrow spent every waking moment making farmer sausage this Labour Day. “I don’t take a day off unless it’s the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Wagers His Sod Hut on Today’s Football Game

September 4, 2016 Andrew

REGINA, SK An area man will be homeless tonight if the Winnipeg Blue Bombers fail to beat the Saskatchewan Roughriders in today’s Labour Day Classic football match. “I’m so confident the Bombers will win, I […]

The Daily Bonnet

How to Win at the Mennonite Game: Swiss Edition

September 3, 2016 Andrew

Typical for Dutch-Prussian-Russian Mennonites, the so-called “comprehensive” guide to the Mennonite Game published yesterday contained a few startling biases such as names of rivers and Uncles. In order to address these issues, a generous Swiss Mennonite reader […]

Unger Suspicion

Justin Bieber Buys Vacation Home in Elkhart, Indiana

September 3, 2016 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Mennonites throughout northern Indiana are excited to have a celebrity in their midst, as Canadian heartthrob and model citizen Justin Bieber has recently purchased a $30,000,000 mansion in Elkhart. The beachfront property on […]

Quizzes

How to Win at the Mennonite Game: A Comprehensive Guide

September 2, 2016 Andrew

The Mennonite Game is easy to play, but difficult to master. For years Mennonites have been playing the game, but after all this time, no winner has been determined for the simple reason that there […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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