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Articles by Andrew

Unger the Influence

Mennonites Hope to Dodge Draft in Upcoming Trade War

February 1, 2025 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS With a trade war on the horizon, Mennonites across North America are looking for ways to keep out of the whole mess and preserve their pacifist values. “I’m thinking of going to the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Janitor Left to Clean Up Huge Mess After Mennonite Women “Spill the Tea”

January 31, 2025 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Darren Klippenstein, janitor at Fifth Mennonite Church in Grunthal, rushed to the scene this evening after he heard the Women’s Quilting Club had spent all evening “spilling the tea.” “We didn’t make much […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Form Committee to Change Lightbulb

January 29, 2025 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The Third Mennonite Church of Goshen has had a burned-out lightbulb for more than three months, all due to the fact that members could not agree on how and when and who should […]

Unger Suspicion

Empty Peavey Mart to be Replaced with Empty Pizza Hut

January 28, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Less than a year after opening its doors, the Peavey Mart in Steinbach will be closing shop to be replaced by an empty Pizza Hut. “We were really hoping an empty Safeway store […]

Unger Suspicion

Rather than Read Group Rules, Area Woman to Write “Please delete if not allowed” Before Every Post

January 27, 2025 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, SK Area woman Diane Klippenstein has a longstanding tradition of writing “please delete if not allowed” before every single social media post. “Whether I’m selling my canned beets or inquiring what time the Co-op […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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