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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

‘Reverse Lent’ Begins Today for Devout Mennonites

March 1, 2017 Andrew

DALLAS, OR On Ash Wednesday, Mennonites across the world cease their regular practice of abstaining from anything pleasurable and instead take up a wide variety of unhealthy habits. Local woman Patricia Voth, 65, of the small […]

Unger Suspicion

Letter to Small Town Paper Solves Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

February 28, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After decades, perhaps centuries, of controversy, a few heated letters to the editor of a small town Manitoba newspaper were instrumental in finally solving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict once and for all. “I can’t […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mysterious Steinbach Mineral Claims Finally Revealed

February 28, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For more than a year, a secretive Alberta company has been buying up the mineral rights for a massive area surrounding the city of Steinbach. The precise nature of the mineral rights purchase has been kept under […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Woman Wins Lifetime Achievement Oscar

February 27, 2017 Andrew

LOS ANGELES, CA Mennonite woman Deborah Kehler of Bergfeld, Manitoba was awarded the Lifetime Achievement Award at the Oscars last night for “more than 70 years of putting a smile on her face and pretending that everything is just […]

Unger & Thirst

Young Man Swears Off Farmer Sausage When He Discovers the Truth About Natural Casings

February 27, 2017 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Herman Loeppky, 21, of the La Crete area took to Facebook on Thursday to express his revulsion upon learning just exactly what his Mom had been cooking him every Monday, Thursday, and Friday […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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