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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Hockey Fan Emerges from House for the First Time in Many Months

May 21, 2018 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB Local hockey fan Peter Klassen, 48, left his house for very first time in months, after the Winnipeg Jets lost to the Vegas Golden Nights on Sunday afternoon. “Ach, the light, the bright […]

Unger Suspicion

Bettman Throws Massive Street Party to Celebrate Last Canadian Team Being Eliminated from Playoffs

May 20, 2018 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY There was champagne flowing at NHL headquarters in New York City today, as long time NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman spared no expense in celebrating the fact that, once again, only American teams […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Checks His Privilege Only to Have It Lost By American Airlines

May 20, 2018 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA After attending a public lecture on intersectionality and white privilege at Eastern Mennonite University this past week, local man Peter Schrock decided to put what he learned in action and check his privilege […]

The Daily Bonnet

Corny vs. Menno? Which name do you hear?

May 19, 2018 Andrew

The Daily Bonnet has reached out to scientists to explain the question that has taken the Internet by storm. In the audio clip below, do you hear the name “Corny” or “Menno”? The debate has […]

Quizzes

Can We Guess Your Age? (For Mennonites)

May 18, 2018 Andrew

You can’t really hide it. Those Botox injections are not fooling anyone. I have no idea how accurate this will be, but we’ve compiled some questions for Mennos that should be able to determine approximately […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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