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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Missing Knipser Finally Found

September 23, 2018 Andrew

REINLAND, MB The Bergmanns of Reinland had been unable to play a proper game of knipsbrat (or knipsdesh as they call it in their Jantsied dialect) since a gathering this summer, because they did not […]

The Daily Bonnet

Christian Movie Shatters Box Office Record in Steinbach

September 22, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB God’s Not Dead 5: He Still Isn’t Dead stars 47-year-old Kirk Cameron as a freshman college student who, with one impassioned speech, convinces his grumpy professor and his entire class that the world is […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Eaton’s Emm Kjalla’ to Re-open Under Bell MTS Place

September 21, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mennonites across southern Manitoba were saddling up their horses in anticipation of the grand opening of the new bargain basement below the current hockey arena. The new ‘Eaton’s Emm Kjalla’ marks a triumphant […]

Unger Suspicion

The Truth About Bert and Ernie Finally Revealed!

September 20, 2018 Andrew

SESAME STREET, KS After decades of rumours, the truth about Sesame Street residents Bert and Ernie has finally been revealed! In an exclusive interview with the Daily Bonnet, Ernie admitted what we had all been […]

Quizzes

Growing up Mennonite, what were you FORBIDDEN from doing?

September 19, 2018 Andrew

Mennonite homes are known for having a lot of rules…but not everyone’s rules were the same. From the list below, click on each activity that was NOT allowed, or at least seriously frowned upon, in […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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