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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

16-Year-Old Swede Tops Canadian Election Poll

September 24, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Even though her age and citizenship currently make her ineligible to run for office, it seems that the vast majority of Canadians prefer Greta Thunberg to any of the other candidates for Prime […]

Unger Suspicion

Former Manitobans Now Outnumber Albertans in Alberta

September 23, 2019 Andrew

CALGARY, AB A new report from the government of Alberta indicates that former Manitobans are the largest identifiable group in the province. “There are more ex-pat Manitobans than Alberta-born Albertans,” said premier Jason Kenney. “We’re […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Waters Down Her Ketchup to Make it Last

September 22, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB Mrs. Plett decided to add three cups of water to her bottle of ketchup and “bring that stuff back to life.” The practice of watering down ketchup has strong roots in the Mennonite […]

Unger Conviction

Time Between Ceremony and Reception Extended to Torture Wedding Guests

September 21, 2019 Andrew

JANSEN, NE Guests at the Reimer-Claassen wedding this weekend were treated to a torturous five-hour gap between the ceremony and reception so that the couple could “take pictures.” “There’s nothing to do out here. We’re […]

Unger Suspicion

Shocking Video Emerges of Politician Not Being a Complete Douche

September 20, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON A shocking new video went viral this week after it appeared to show a politician not being a total douche. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Mrs. Kehler of Ottawa. “The guy […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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