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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Driving Up the Price of Sod Huts in Vancouver

July 5, 2019 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC The sod hut market is soaring in Vancouver as Fraser Valley Mennonites are moving into the city and buying up huge swaths of valuable real estate. “Prices are out of control! It’s getting […]

Quizzes

Can You Solve These Mennonite Magic Eyes?

July 4, 2019 Andrew

Remember these stereogram puzzles from the 1990s? Well, they’re back. Probably with Mennonites they never went out. Here are five Mennonite-related puzzles for you to figure out. Try not to get a headache. 1. Hint: […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Introduces New Social Network Called ‘Knipschat’

July 3, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB From the heart of the Mennonite Silicon Valley comes a brand new social network called ‘Knipschat.’ The new app allows users to post pictures of themselves knipsing, knitting, or knoodeling. “The best thing […]

Unger Conviction

Bible Camp Shuts Down After No One Memorizes Enough Verses to Attend

July 2, 2019 Andrew

LITTLE HAPPY MENNO BIBLE CAMP, ON Little Happy Menno Bible Camp in Northern Ontario has had to shut its doors this summer after not enough kids memorized their verses this year. “We kept lowering the […]

Unger Suspicion

Crazy Unpatriotic Canadian Celebrates 4th of July Three Days Early

July 1, 2019 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Concerned citizen Mr. Yoder of Lancaster is livid this week after discovering that Canadians celebrate the 4th of July a full three days early. “It’s disgusting! Those Canadians have no patriotism at all!” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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