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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple Still Late for Church Despite Extra Hour of Sleep

November 3, 2019 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Despite have an entire hour extra sleep last night, the Koops of Mountain Lake were late for church and had to sneak up to the balcony where hopefully the elders wouldn’t notice. […]

The Daily Bonnet

The Daily Bonnet Makes You Famous!

November 2, 2019 Andrew

Hey, so you want to be famous? Well, after the amazing success of our Danny Orlis book giveaway, the Daily Bonnet has decided to have another contest with not much of a prize. Here’s the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Child Prays, Followed Quickly By “Real Prayer” From Adult

November 1, 2019 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA Little Michael Burkholder begged Grandma and Grandpa to say the prayer before consuming the roast beef and horseradish this past Sunday. The 5-year-old was obliged in his request, although all the adults said […]

Unger Conviction

MBers Dress as GCers for Halloween

October 31, 2019 Andrew

FRESNO, CA In a move that shocked households throughout the region, a group of young MBers from Fresno decided to dress up as GCers for Halloween this year. “I wanted to be scary…really scary,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Hipsters Forced to Cut Off Beards After Violating Pennsylvania Mennonite Patent

October 29, 2019 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Thousands of hipsters across the United States will be forced to shave off their beards at the end of this month after a Pennsylvania court ruled these beards a “clear violation” of a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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