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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Thousands of Mennonites Barely Clinging to Life During Rogers Golden Syrup Shortage

September 13, 2019 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Thousands of Mennonites have been placed in Intensive Care units this summer after a shortage of Rogers Golden Syrup has left them without the necessary sustenance for life. “My Henry’s a fighter, but […]

Unger & Thirst

Mrs. Kehler Tries to Pass Off Store Bought Tomatoes as Garden Tomatoes

September 12, 2019 Andrew

GRETNA, MB Absolutely no one was believing Mrs. Kehler after she tried to sneak in a few store bought tomatoes onto the platter at faspa this week. “She even had the nerve to slice them […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Confesses to Voting NDP

September 10, 2019 Andrew

REINLAND, MB Local man and former church deacon Mr. Rempel was forced to go up in front of his congregation this week and apologize after it was discovered he had voted NDP in two of […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Adult Graphic Novels” Cause Stir at Local Library

September 9, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENKRAHN, SK Mennonites across northern Saskatchewan were in a tizzy this week after it was discovered the local library carried something called “adult graphic novels.” “Oba, nay! They’re adult! Plus they’re graphic! That can’t be […]

Unger & Thirst

Ten Authentic Mennonite Dishes to Make for Mennonite Heritage Week

September 8, 2019 Andrew

It’s finally here! Mennonite Heritage Week! A time to sit back and reflect on everything that it means to be Mennonite. While you’re arguing in the church lobby about the nuances of being a pacifist […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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