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Articles by Andrew

Unger Games

Vanapag Jats Jerseys Flying Off the Shelves

June 21, 2025 Andrew

VANAPAG, MB There have been a lot of changes at 300 Portage Avenue this week after the signing of Jonathan Toews. “I haven’t been this excited about the Vanapag Jats since Patrik Laine grew that […]

Unger Games

Jonathan Toews Signs with Only Team that Knows How to Pronounce His Last Name Correctly

June 20, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Winnipeg Jets scored a major coup this week after signing hometown hero and NHL legend Jonathan Toews, who, according to rumours, signed with the team exclusively because “they’re the only ones who […]

Unger Suspicion

School Accidentally Plays Sex Pistols Song Before Morning Announcements

June 19, 2025 Andrew

DOLPHIN, MB After months of controversy and debate, Dolphin School Trustee Pete Caflib has finally convinced his local school division to bring back the Royal Anthem. “Yeah, so I picked up a bunch of 45s […]

The Daily Bonnet

Chatty Mennonite Woman Holds Elevator Door for a Record 5 Hours

June 17, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB There was a lineup stretching down the hallway this afternoon, as Mrs. Enns held the elevator door for “just a couple more minutes.” Well, those minutes soon became hours, as Mrs. Enns had […]

Unger Games

City Turns Every Available Flat Surface into Pickleball Courts

June 16, 2025 Andrew

CALGARY, AB The City of Calgary has recently unveiled a new plan to turn every bit of flat surface area in the city into pickleball courts. “Church parking lots, private driveways, significant stretches of Deerfoot […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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