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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Trudeau to Mennonite Pastors: ‘Stop Speaking So Moistly’

April 8, 2020 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Finally somebody said it. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau told reporters today what those of us in the first few rows at church have always been thinking, “Dear Pastor Dave, please stop speaking […]

Unger Suspicion

In Trying Times, Americans Always Put Forward Their Very Brightest and Best

April 8, 2020 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC In these dark and challenging times the American people have scoured the nation to find the very best two possible candidates to lead the country through this difficult period. “Normally we just pick […]

Unger & Thirst

Pennsylvania Mennonite Man Blows Entire Stimulus Check on Pig’s Head Scrapple

April 7, 2020 Andrew

AKRON, PA Mr. Ruth, 63, of Akron, Pennsylvania has decided to make the best of a bad situation and has already blown his entire $1200 government stimulus check on scrapple made from pig’s head and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Clingy Mennonite Aunt Making Tally of All the Hugs You’ll Owe Her When This is Over

April 5, 2020 Andrew

YARROW, BC Ever since the pandemic broke out, Taunte Liza of Yarrow has been making a daily tally of all the hugs she’s missing out on and plans to cash in big time once this […]

Unger & Thirst

Klik Returns to Mennonite Pantries for the First Time in Centuries

April 4, 2020 Andrew

GRASSY LAKE, AB As humans across the globe shut themselves indoors and withdraw from normal life, it seems that nature has taken over. This retreat to pre-human existence is no more evident than in the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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