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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Productivity Way Down as Canadians Spend All Day Refreshing Test Results Page

October 29, 2020 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC A new study out of the University of Chilliwack has attributed the entirety of Canada’s economic downturn to the fact that Canadians are spending all every day refreshing their Covid test result screens. […]

The Daily Bonnet

GCers Feeling Left Out of ‘Restart Mennonite Brethren’ Campaign

October 28, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of Mennonite Church Canada members across Manitoba are a little miffed at the provincial government for seemingly giving all their time and resources to restarting the Mennonite Brethrens. “If you ask me, […]

The Daily Bonnet

“I am Mennonite,” Borat Reveals in New Film

October 27, 2020 Andrew

KARAGANDA, KAZAKHSTAN A whole host of awkward and peculiar behaviour by renowned journalist Borat finally has an explanation that makes sense. Borat, apparently, is a Mennonite. “I am Mennonite. Very nice,” says Borat in the […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Where the heck can I buy ‘Once Removed’?” says Mennonite Man Who Fails to Find it for Ten Cents at the Thrift Store

October 26, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB More than a month after Daily Bonnet author Andrew Unger released his hilarious new novel Once Removed, Mr. Penner of Steinbach still has not been able to find it for ten cents at any […]

Unger Games

Patrik Laine Traded to the Blumenort Menno Knights

October 25, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB After months of speculation, the Winnipeg Jets have revealed that 22-year-old superstar Patrik Laine and his seven million dollar a year salary has been traded to the Blumenort Menno Knights of the Hanover-Tache […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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