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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Lineup Outside Newly Reopened Dollar Store Stretches All the Way from Winkler to Steinbach

February 13, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER or STEINBACH, MB As stores offering non-essential items such as helium balloons, cotton swabs, colourful napkins, and hair ties reopen in Manitoba, the lineup outside dollar stores has grown to enormous lengths. So long […]

Unger Conviction

Yet Another Mennonite Church Split Blamed on Yoko Ono

February 12, 2021 Andrew

R.M. of HANOVER, MB It’s another day and another church in southern Manitoba is breaking up, but rather than do some serious internal soul searching to find the source of the problem, church members have […]

Unger Suspicion

Famed Novelist John Steinbach to Release New Novel ‘Of Mice and Menno’

February 11, 2021 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Famed novelist and Fresno Pacific University graduate John Steinbach is hoping to upstage his rival from Salinas with the release of his new novel Of Mice and Menno. “Of Mice and Menno tells the […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Prime Minister Finally Offers Formal Apology for Nickelback

February 10, 2021 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Exactly twenty years after Nickelback’s first big hit “How You Remind Me” rose to the top of the charts around the world, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has issued a formal apology to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Health Officials Worried About New More Infectious Jantsied Strain

February 9, 2021 Andrew

DITSIED, MB Health officials have gathered today in Rosenort to discuss the newly discovered Jantsied variant. “I’ll be totally honest. It’s not here in Ditsied yet, but the way those Unraus go back and forth […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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