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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Breaking! Pastor Dan’s Been Getting All His Insights from the Footnotes in His ‘Ryrie Study Bible’

April 8, 2021 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Drone footage hovering above the pulpit this week has revealed that Pastor Dan’s been getting all this spiritual insights from the footnotes in his Ryrie Study Bible. “I feel we’ve been duped. From […]

Unger & Thirst

Manitoba Knackzoat Reservations Surge on Opening Day

April 7, 2021 Andrew

BIRDS HILL, MB On opening day of knackzoat reservations, millions of Manitoba Mennonites rushed to be first to reserve their sunflower seed spitting spot for summer 2021. “We had a great spot at Birds Hill […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Man Quits Bitcoin and Puts All His Money into Sheets of Plywood

April 6, 2021 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Having almost doubled his money with Bitcoin over the past year, amateur investor Allan Driedger, 41, of Saskatoon is planning to throw it all in the hottest market around: sheets of plywood. “My […]

Unger Suspicion

‘Tooth & Nail’ Band Books Thirty Night Residency in Baptist Church Basement

April 5, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local punk rocker Sam Dyck, 39, of Kleefeld, Manitoba is really excited that his favourite 90s Christian pop punk band The Undecided have booked a long term residency in the Southdale Baptist basement […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Reads Through the Entire Bible Just Driving Back and Forth Between Winkler and Morden

April 4, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Klaas Bergmann, 57, of Plum Coulee has successfully completed his goal of reading through the entire Bible in a year simply by driving back and forth on Highway 14. “I made it through […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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