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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Friendly Bulletins Welcome Lonely Hymnal

March 21, 2025 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB A pair of friendly bulletins were the first to volunteer when Pastor Bob hinted that someone needed to reach out and keep that lonely unused hymnal company. “We’re a welcoming church,” said Pastor […]

Unger Conviction

Carney’s Speech Rated Just 2% More Exciting than Mennonite Pastor’s Sermon

March 20, 2025 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB University of La Crete Sociologist Dr. Pete Peters, who has spent more than 30 years studying audience engagement with public speakers, has found that Mark Carney’s speeches are a full 2% more exciting […]

The Daily Bonnet

Astronauts Return to Earth After 9 Months Trapped in Conversation at Mennonite Couple’s Doorway

March 18, 2025 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK Butch and Suni have finally returned home, after nine long months trapped in conversation at the Klassen’s doorway in the tiny Mennonite town of Rosthern, Saskatchewan. “There’s always a risk when you send […]

Unger the Influence

Pierre Poilievre to Reintroduce Carbon Tax Just So He Has Something to Scrap

March 17, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON With a federal election on the horizon, Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre is looking to bring back the unpopular carbon tax just so he can make a very dramatic display of scrapping it. “It’s […]

Unger Suspicion

Bargain-Hungry Shoppers Flock to the Wrong Hudson Bay

March 16, 2025 Andrew

CHURCHILL, MB With rumours swirling that Hudson Bay may be going into creditor protection and liquidating their assets, thousands of customers made the 1500 km trek from Winnipeg to get their hands on some amazing […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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