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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Can Finally Sleep Tonight Because She Didn’t Run Out of Food at the Gathering

August 19, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mrs. Pankratz can count on a good solid six hours of sleep tonight after the family gathering that she’d been worrying about for months came and went without a single person starving to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Grocery Store to Retain Mask Rule Just So Locals Have Something to Rebel Against

August 18, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The management at the local DuperMart grocery store has decided to keep the mask law in place this summer just so that local folks can have a public place to blow off some […]

Unger Suspicion

World’s “Most Powerful Nation” Loses Yet Another War

August 17, 2021 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC After the Taliban retook Afghanistan in a record-setting fifteen minutes, the glorious nation of the United States of America has once again lost another war they shouldn’t have been waging in the first […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Father Tortures Family By Taking a Ride to the Country to Look at the Crops

August 16, 2021 Andrew

REGINA, SK Mr. Earl Fehr of Regina loaded up the minivan and took the family on a six-hour long drive through the countryside to look at some fields this weekend. “Hey, look, kids! Bales!” yelled […]

Unger Suspicion

Justin Trudeau Suffers Embarrassing Case of Premature Election

August 15, 2021 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Federal Liberal leader Justin Trudeau has suffered an embarrassing case of premature election this week, the youngest sitting politician ever to suffer in this manner. “It’s my first time encountering this ailment,” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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