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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Newlyweds Excited to Rip Each Other’s Masks Off in the Hotel Room Later Today

September 15, 2021 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Allan Wiebe and Lydia Brandt were married at the EMCB church this afternoon and are excited to rip off their masks at the Days Inn after the reception. “We started dating last spring, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Invite You to Celebrate their Heritage by Abstaining from Drinking and Dancing All Week

September 14, 2021 Andrew

ST. JACOBS, ON It’s Mennonite Heritage Week once again and that means all Canadians are welcome to join us as we refrain from drinking and dancing all this week. “It’s going to be to most […]

Unger Suspicion

Anti-Pantsers Demand Their Constitutional Rights

September 13, 2021 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Thousands of angry anti-pantsers invaded Leamington this week and decided to dine at local restaurants without sporting any bottoms whatsoever. “I’ve never had to use so much Lysol in all my life,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Top 10 Songs! Your Ultimate Knackzoat Radio Playlist!

September 12, 2021 Andrew

If you were raised in the area, you no doubt grew up listening to Radio Southern Manitoba. In between the funeral announcements and the trading post, you might even have listened to a few tunes. […]

Unger & Thirst

O’Toole Offers Mennonites Half Off at Chicken Chef

September 11, 2021 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Following up an election promise of discounts at Swiss Chalet, Conservative leader Erin O’Toole is now wooing Mennonite voters by promising a really good deal at Chicken Chef yet once. “Oba jo!” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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