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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Demand their Constitutional Rights Under the ‘Freedom of Disinformation Act’

July 27, 2021 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Pastor Troyer of Lancaster County is petitioning the United States government for permission to spread as much BS about the pandemic as he pleases under the ‘Freedom of Disinformation Act’. “What good is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman is a Real Mother Smucker

July 26, 2021 Andrew

WOOSTER, OH During the pandemic, Mrs. Smucker of Wooster, Ohio has been holed up watching MTV all day and discovered that a lot of music videos these days refer to “Mother Smuckers.” “I don’t recognize […]

The Daily Bonnet

Boats Full of “Persecuted Mennonite Refugees” Fleeing Trivial Nuisances in Canada

July 25, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Boat loads of Mennonite refugees are once again fleeing their homes for what they believe will be a much better life in the desert someplace where they don’t have to wear masks between […]

Unger Suspicion

BC Couple Super Proud of Their Lovely Brown Lawn this Year

July 24, 2021 Andrew

BLACK CREEK, BC Always eager to show off their green thumbs, Mr. and Mrs. Driedger of Black Creek, British Columbia have been posting photos of their delightful dead grass throughout the summer. “Just look at […]

The Daily Bonnet

Jeff Bezos Commits to Sending All Funks into Space

July 23, 2021 Andrew

KENT, WA As part of the vast philanthropic endeavours, billionaire playboy Jeff Bezos intends to send every single Funk into space, some of them permanently. “It worked so well with Wally, that we figured the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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