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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Spotify Removes Every Neil Young Album Except “Everybody’s Rockin'”

February 7, 2022 Andrew

STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN Upon request from the rock icon Neil Young, music streaming giant Spotify has removed every single one of his albums except, for some reason, “Everybody’s Rockin’”. “We just couldn’t let that one go,” […]

Unger Conviction

Church Elders to Investigate Member’s Involvement in Wordle Cheating Scandal

February 6, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The posting of a “highly suspicious” Wordle score by Mrs. Lois Toews of Winkler has spurred on the church elders to investigate. “A 1/6? Seriously, a 1/6? I’ve never seen that in all […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mannanites Excited for “Vinta Olympics”

February 4, 2022 Andrew

BEIJING, CHINA Mannanites around the globe are excited for the 2022 Vinta Olympics, which they hope will be a nice distraction from “all the political stuff yet.” The 2022 event will feature a number of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winklerites Furious as Morden Woman Elected Leader

February 3, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A massive crowd of pickup trucks gathered at the Co-op in Winkler tonight to protest the selection of “a woman from Morden yet” as leader of the Conservatives. “Oba, nay, not Morden once […]

Unger & Thirst

Skeptical Mennonite Man Refuses to Eat Sausage Because He “Doesn’t Know What’s In It”

February 2, 2022 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Like most Mennonite men, local man Jack Fehr treats his body like a temple and refuses to put anything into it until he’s researched the full list of ingredients. This healthy skepticism has […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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