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Articles by Andrew

Unger Games

Trump to Award Connor Helleybuyck Nation’s Highest Honour: The Undisputed Champion of Beautiful Clean Coal

February 25, 2026 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC President Trump announced this afternoon that he would be awarding Winnipeg Jets/Team USA goaltender Connor Helleybuyck the nation’s highest civilian honour. “And that, of course, is that made up coal trophy I was […]

Unger Games

Carney to Melt Down All of Canada’s Unwanted Olympic Medals to Build High Speed Rail Line

February 24, 2026 Andrew

TORONTO, ON It seems all the embarrassing defeats by Team Canada at the Olympics this year will not go to waste as Prime Minister Mark Carney has announced a plan to use all the unwanted […]

Unger Games

Connor Hellebuyck Reassures Jets Fans He Won’t Ever Play That Well Again

February 23, 2026 Andrew

MILAN, ITALY Just minutes after Team USA goaltender Connor Hellebuyck single-handedly won an Olympic gold for his team, he sent a message to reassure Winnipeg Jets fans he won’t ever play that well again. “Certainly […]

Unger Games

Massive Stockpile of Silver Medals Discovered at Local Thrift Store

February 22, 2026 Andrew

MILAN, ITALY It didn’t take long and about fifty silver medals belonging to the Canadian men’s and women’s hockey teams have been discovered at the thrift store in Schanzenfeld, Manitoba. “Yeah, we’ll put them on […]

Unger Conviction

Abbotsford Man Has No Excuse to Miss Church Tomorrow Since He’ll Be Up at 5 AM Anyway Watching Hockey

February 21, 2026 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Jacob Fehr of Abbotsford has been rather sporadic in his church attendance as of late, but Pastor Dan says he has absolutely no reason to miss church tomorrow since he’ll be up by […]

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