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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Ruins Perfectly Good Cinnamon Buns By Adding Raisins

October 4, 2025 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area woman Theresa Bueckert decided she’d change things up a little and add raisins to her bun dough this week. The results were, as expected, disastrous. “Oba, what was I thinking,” said Mrs. […]

Unger & Thirst

Niverville Residents Finally Free From Arduous Journey to Winnipeg McDonald’s

October 3, 2025 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB For more than a century, residents of the small Mennonite town of Niverville have been completely cut off from access to McDonald’s restaurants. “Oh, sure, some brave souls ventured out to Winnipeg once […]

Unger Conviction

Church to Remove Reclining Seats for Poorer Parishioners

October 1, 2025 Andrew

CALGARY, AB The WestEast Church in Calgary, Alberta has just announced it will be removing all reclining seats in the last 20 rows of the sanctuary. “That’s where all the latecomers and low tithers sit,” […]

Unger the Influence

Canada Post to Replace Air Mail with New Horse and Buggy Service

September 29, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Always wanting to improve services across the country, Canada Post announced this week it would be hiring Amish and Old Order Mennonites to deliver the mail from now on. “It’s just one more […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finally Allowed to Stay Up Late Enough to Watch M*A*S*H*

September 27, 2025 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Area man Sam Ens, 43, has just been informed by his parents that he has finally reached the age where he can stay up late and watch M*A*S*H* with them. “It’s our birthday […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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