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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Gen Xer Super Proud of Himself After Managing to Stand for Entire Concert

February 3, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area man Aaron Berg, 44, has been awarded the Medal of Valour after managing to stand the entire length of the Tom Morello concert last night. “I haven’t done this since the 90s,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Groundhog Predicts Early Paska Buns this Year

February 2, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Winkler Willie, the Mennonite world’s most famous groundhog, has just announced there will be an early spring this year, meaning southern Manitobans will be able to enjoy paska buns sooner rather than later. […]

Unger Conviction

Commuter Sets Record for Consecutive Days Dining Alone in Bible College Cafeteria

February 1, 2024 Andrew

BIEBELPLATZ, AB Area man Jeremy Goerzen, 20, decided he’d save a bit of cash this year and commute to Biebelplatz Bible College from Calgary. But little did Jeremy know what this decision would do for […]

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The Daily Bonnet

Thrift Store Runs Out of Speedos as Temperatures Soar this January

January 31, 2024 Andrew

RIVERTON, MB The weather has been so unseasonably warm this winter, that Mennonite men of all stripes and sizes have been stripping off their overalls and hitting the beach. “Normally I’m ice fishing this time […]

Unger Suspicion

Thousands of Floridians Flock to Saskatchewan for Warm Winter Vacation

January 30, 2024 Andrew

REGINA, SK Several charter flights were added to the schedule this week to accommodate all the Floridians fleeing to the warm climes of Saskatchewan. “If you’re sick and tired of Florida in January, why not […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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