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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor to Enact 25% Tithe on First Day in Office

November 26, 2024 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Pastor David, whose name was recently pulled from the hat this past week, has threatened to enact a whopping 25% tithe starting his first day in office this January. “No more of this […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Leads Mass Exodus from Twitter

November 25, 2024 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Area man Moses Schwartzentruber has led a large group of Mennonites off of Twitter in search of bluer skies. The exodus began after pleading with Pharoah Elon to stop being such an ass […]

Unger Suspicion

Gentlemen’s Club Shockingly Bereft of Any Gentlemen

November 24, 2024 Andrew

OMAHA, NE Anthropologists were shocked to discover a complete lack of gentlemen at a so-called “gentlemen’s” club in an industrial park in Omaha this week. “Maybe it was just an off night,” said investigator Anne […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Successfully Convinces Husband to Leave the House

November 23, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After months of incessant requests, area woman Anne Peters finally convinced her husband Donald to leave the house and take her to Chuck’s Roadhouse or something for once. “That man has spent every […]

Unger the Influence

A Full List of Items that will be GST-free for Mennonites Over the Holidays

November 22, 2024 Andrew

Earlier this week, the federal government announced a GST break for several important items over the holiday. The Unger Review has compiled a list of the essential items that Mennonites will be able to purchase […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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