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Articles by Andrew

Unger the Influence

Random Mennonite Guy Named Dwayne Only One Willing to Run for Leadership of the Liberal Party

January 12, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON With a guaranteed loss in the upcoming federal election, the Liberal Party of Canada is stuck with just one leadership candidate – retired dairy farmer Dwayne Kehler of Schazenfeld, Manitoba. “I’m not even […]

Unger & Thirst

Southeast Event Centre Introduces New Slogan: Fuelled by Formavorscht

January 11, 2025 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The new state-of-the-art Southeast Event Centre in downtown Steinbach just unveiled a new slogan that represents the passion and potential of the community – Fuelled by Formavorscht. “More farmer sausage is produced and […]

Unger Conviction

Faith Healer Offers Monthly Payment Plan

January 10, 2025 Andrew

CALGARY, AB A travelling miracle worker who claims to be able to heal back aches and migranes with just the power of his touch and a little faith, is offering “the fine folks of Calgary […]

Unger Suspicion

Woman Waits 2 Weeks for Service at Local Hardware Store

January 9, 2025 Andrew

GRUENBACH, SK Area woman Lauren Kehler, 31, went to the service desk at the local hardware store with a question about caulking and was still unacknowledged a full 2 weeks later. “I guess I’ll stick […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Excited that Parliament is Perogied Until March

January 8, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Thousands of Mennonites across Canada were excited to hear that Parliament is going to be “perogied” until March. The new “perogied” status means that Members of Parliament will basically do nothing but eat […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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