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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Hottest Ever September in Small Mennonite Town of Schanzenhimmelsgruenfeldthalberg

October 5, 2024 Andrew

Schanzenhimmelsgruenfeldthalberg, MB The weather station in Schanzenhimmelsgruenfeldthalberg recorded the hottest September it the long and illustrious climate history of Schanzenhimmelsgruenfeldthalberg. “We haven’t seen anything like this since our ancestors first moved to Schanzenhimmelsgruenfeldthalberg almost 150 […]

Unger Suspicion

Highway 75 Construction to be Finished Just in Time to Start All Over Again

October 4, 2024 Andrew

MORRIS, MB Construction on one of Manitoba’s most important highways is set to be complete just in time for the whole process to start all over again. “Our plan is that by the time we’re […]

Unger Suspicion

Movie Set in Winnipeg Accidentally Films in Summer

October 2, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Winnipeg, Manitoba has been the setting of dozens of much-beloved indie films over the decades from Guy Maddin’s My Winnipeg and The Saddest Music in the World to Matthew Rankin’s Universal Language and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man to Circle the Earth For Next Two Months, Causing Mini-moon

October 1, 2024 Andrew

EARTH A Mennonite man will be circling the Earth for the next two months, causing what scientists are calling a “mini-moon.” “It’s not as large as the moon we usually see,” said Neil DeGrasse Tyson, […]

Unger Conviction

Long-winded Mennonite Pastor Blamed for Burnt Sunday Roast

September 29, 2024 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Pastor Dan has been called before the church elder board this week after a particularly long-winded sermon led to the destruction of more than a dozen Sunday roasts this past weekend. “Mrs. Kroeker […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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