STEINBACH, MB
After many years of uncertainty and protest, the Epsteinbach files will finally be released this spring.
“Oba, that Elder Thiessen is delaying things,” said Epsteinbach enthusiast Laura Koop. “I’m like, if he has nothing to hide, he’s got nothing to fear.”
The Epsteinbach files are rumoured to have a complete list of the local MB church tithing record, as well as highly detailed church attendance statistics.
“And all of this is just for the Epps,” said Koop. “We’re asking for the Epp Steinbach records now, but I’m hoping we’ll get the Reimer Steinbach and Friesen Steinbach records, too.”
If released, the Epsteinbach records may prove to be very embarrassing for several high profile locals.
“I heard Bill Klassen took the Epsteinbach buggy many times,” said Koop. “And Prince Andreas is rumoured to have slept over in the semlin at the local museum on several occasions.”
A fully searchable Epsteinbach list will be accessible in the new year, although critics says it’s may be censored to only include dirt on the Lutherans.
(photo credit: Silver Tusk/CC/modified)