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Month: December 2024

Unger Suspicion

Teens Shocked to Meet Grandparents at New Timothée Chalamet Movie

December 26, 2024 Andrew

OMAHA, NE Thousands of teens and boomers found themselves in the exact same movie theatre this week, but for completely different reasons. “Woah, Grandma, I had no idea you were such a big Timothée Chalamet […]

The Daily Bonnet

Real News or Satire: 2024 Unger Review Quiz

December 25, 2024 Andrew

In the early days of the Daily Bonnet, you may recall an annual quiz wherein folks were asked to identify real news from the fake variety. Well, we’ve decided to rekindle that tradition here on […]

The Daily Bonnet

Surge in Peanut Allergies Has Mennonite Church Handing Out Empty Paper Bags this Christmas

December 24, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After just way too many incidents in recent years, Central Kildonan Mennonite Fellowship has decided the only solution is to hand out empty paper bags to all the kids this Christmas. “We wanted […]

The Daily Bonnet

Christmas Card Disappoints

December 23, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A Christmas card failed to deliver the expected level of seasonal joy and/or happiness this week after Larry Barkman, 31, of Winkler discovered it contained no money at all. “Ugh, what am I […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Becomes Pregnant After Exposing Her Ankles

December 22, 2024 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Every Mennonite woman’s worst nightmare came true last night after Sarah Koop, 20, of La Crete exposed her ankles and instantly become 8-months pregnant. “I knew this would happen. Oh, I just […]

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