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Month: April 2024

The Daily Bonnet

Rumours Fly as Mennonite Man is Spotted at Jewelry Store

April 13, 2024 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area man Kyle Reimer, 23, was spotted at a local jewelry store this week, which sparked several rumours about an upcoming engagement. “Oba, I didn’t even know he was dating anyone,” said Mrs. […]

Unger Games

Major League Baseball Announces New 16 Game Season to Compete with the NFL

April 12, 2024 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Starting next season, MLB teams will be playing a shorter more economical 16-game schedule. “We looked at the NFL and what makes them successful,” said baseball commissioner Ron Manfred, “and reducing the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couples Compete to Have the Most Grandchildren

April 11, 2024 Andrew

ALTONA, MB It’s a race to the top for the Buhlers and Wiebes this week in the annual Grandchildren Sweepstakes. The top prize, which goes to the couple with the most grandchildren, is a weeklong […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Hymn Reaches #1 After Inclusion on ‘Stranger Things’

April 10, 2024 Andrew

HAWKINS, IN A 19th century Mennonite hymn has reached #1 on the Billboard charts this week after it appeared in a particularly memorable scene of the hit Netflix series Stranger Things. “I never thought I’d […]

Unger Games

Oakland A’s to Play 2024 Season in Fresno Mennonite Church Parking Lot

April 9, 2024 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Several fans have already been setting up their lawn chairs at the Fresno Mennonite Church parking lot in anticipation of the 2024 Oakland Athletics season. “We’re hoping to get 50 or 60 people […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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