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Month: February 2024

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Introduces New See-Through Coffee

February 18, 2024 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB In an effort to increase “transparency” within the church community, the North Rosenort Mennonite Church will now be serving its innovative new see-through coffee. “Jauma, I can see all the way to the […]

Unger Conviction

Retailers Quick to Cash In as Foot Washing Becomes Latest Gen Z Trend

February 17, 2024 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS It’s the wave that’s sweeping the nation: foot-washing. Millennials, Gen Zers – you name it, they’re doing it. After a popular Super Bowl commercial last week, retailers were quick to capitalize on the […]

Unger Games

Prince Harry Hits 99 km/h on Local Toboggan Hill

February 16, 2024 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB There was just enough snow for recent bobsled enthusiast Prince Harry to set a new record at Manitoba’s highest peak: Abe’s Hill in Steinbach. “First we had to clear all the children on […]

Unger Suspicion

Huge Crowd for Kate Bowler has People Thinking Taylor Swift is in Town

February 15, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area man, Peter Dueck, 71, ventured into the city from Winkler this afternoon and decided to enter Grant Park Shopping Centre via the convenient McNally Robinson entrance. Unfortunately for the bewildered Dueck, he […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Woos Potential Spouse by Eating Takis Fuego

February 14, 2024 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO Area man Kjnels Thiessen, 21, is attempting to woo the single women of Manitoba Colony by consuming a whole bag of Takis Fuego during faspa this Sunday. “Oba, that Kjnels sure is handsome […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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