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Month: January 2024

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The Daily Bonnet

Thrift Store Runs Out of Speedos as Temperatures Soar this January

January 31, 2024 Andrew

RIVERTON, MB The weather has been so unseasonably warm this winter, that Mennonite men of all stripes and sizes have been stripping off their overalls and hitting the beach. “Normally I’m ice fishing this time […]

Unger Suspicion

Thousands of Floridians Flock to Saskatchewan for Warm Winter Vacation

January 30, 2024 Andrew

REGINA, SK Several charter flights were added to the schedule this week to accommodate all the Floridians fleeing to the warm climes of Saskatchewan. “If you’re sick and tired of Florida in January, why not […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Woman Shocked as Husband Finally Enters the Kitchen

January 29, 2024 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS A hush fell through the crowd at the Hillsboro pickleball courts this week as Dave Penner, 61, entered the kitchen for the very first time in his life. “I was in tears,” said […]

Unger Games

Taylor Swift Leads Kansas City to Super Bowl LVIII

January 28, 2024 Andrew

KANSAS CITY, MO With a stunning 17-10 victory over the Baltimore Ravens this afternoon, Kansas City Chiefs superstar Taylor Swift has punched her team’s ticket to Super Bowl LVIII in Las Vegas. “Kansas City is […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Woman Refuses to Watch Hockey Until the Oilers Stop Streaking

January 27, 2024 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Concerned about protecting the purity of her household, area woman Nita Dyck has forbidden her entire family from watching any more Edmonton Oilers games until this “streak” is over. “Everyone is talking about […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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