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Month: December 2023

Unger Conviction

Pastor to Defer $6800 Per Year in Unusual Arrangement with Local Mennonite Church

December 14, 2023 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Free agent pastor Sharon O. Broesky, a two-way minister who can preach as well as she can baptize, was a hot commodity on the pastoral market this fall and has just inked an […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Seniors Confuse Lobby Cam for OnlyFans

December 13, 2023 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK It seems that Smiling Menno Manor in Saskatoon just got their very own OnlyFans channel. Contractors just installed a camera in the lobby, which really had residents excited about the possibilities. “Just this […]

The Daily Bonnet

Snowfall Finally Convinces Manitobans They Don’t Actually Live in BC

December 12, 2023 Andrew

CARMAN, MB Derek Loeppky of Carman, who had been living it up like a British Columbian for the past several months, was absolutely devastated this weekend to find out he actually lived in Manitoba. “There […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Rundschau Names Taylor Swift ‘Person of the Year’

December 11, 2023 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO For decades the Rundschau, in its various iterations, has provided Mennonites with news about what other Mennonites are doing in jantsied or even ditsied. Well, this year, the Rundschau has decided to branch […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Caught Dealing Dime Bags of White Sugar

December 10, 2023 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altona’s most notorious sugar dealer, 83-year-old Edith Braun, has been caught dealing “dime bags” of white sugar in the hallways of Southview Manor. “The street price of white sugar has soared this holiday […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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