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Month: July 2023

Unger & Thirst

Local KFC Sees 50% Reduction in Diarrhea After Getting Rid of Taco Bell

July 13, 2023 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Students at Anabaptist Mennonite Theological Seminary in Elkhart have reported a significant reduction in diarrhea cases this semester after the local KFC kicked out the adjoining Taco Bell. “Quite frankly, it’s a relief,” […]

Unger & Thirst

Strangers on Russlaender Train Agree to Swap Recipes

July 12, 2023 Andrew

SOMEWHERE IN NORTHERN ONTARIO, ON In what has been described as the most nefarious plot in Mennonite history, two complete strangers on the Russlaender 100th Anniversary train trip across Canada have agreed to swap zwieback […]

Unger Games

Winnipeg Goldeyes Take Over First Place in American League Central

July 11, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After months of speculation about who would emerge as the dominant team in the lowly American League Central, an unexpected victor has emerged – the Winnipeg Goldeyes. “Finally, someone in that division is […]

Unger the Influence

Pierre Poilievre Debuts New Mennonite Look

July 10, 2023 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre felt his current look was “just not conservative enough” and debuted a lovely new Mennonite beard this week. “Kind of a miracle really. Took me just three days to […]

Headline Contest

Mennonite Woman Bikes Around the World for Children Without Access to Roll Kuchen

July 10, 2023 Andrew

Congrats to this week’s winner Justina Bergen! Every once in a while, The Unger Review will provide a photo in need of a headline. At the end of the week the top 3 headlines, as […]

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