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Month: February 2021

Unger Suspicion

Spoiler Isn’t Making Your Car Any Faster, It’s Just Making You Look that Much More Desperate

February 18, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A new report indicates that putting a spoiler on your Honda Civic or Mazda 3 does not turn it into a Ferrari, but might just possibly get the laughs of everyone around you. […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Man Still Can’t Get that Pink Pie

February 17, 2021 Andrew

NIAGARA-ON-THE-LAKE, ON Dwight Braun, 63, of Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario has been one pink pie away from winning this game of Trivial Pursuit that he started in 1981. “Those entertainment questions are absolutely killer,” said Braun. “I […]

The Daily Bonnet

Taunte Lina Becomes Instagram Influencer

February 16, 2021 Andrew

REINLAND, MB Unbeknownst to her grandchildren, over the past few months Taunte Lina has amassed a massive following and become one of Instagram’s top influencers. “I can yikyak and tiktok with the best of them,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Joel Wiens Stadium Replaces Reimer Stadium (Yes, this is real and, no, it’s not in Manitoba)

February 15, 2021 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Residents of southern Manitoba were mortified to discover that the Mennonites of Kansas had one-upped them in naming stuff after Nikkels, Wienses and Reimers. “Waut de schissjat is going on down there at […]

The Daily Bonnet

The Seven Hottest Mennonite Sex Positions

February 14, 2021 Andrew

Need to spice up your love life? Look no further than the Mennonites! It’s the worst kept secret in the world: Mennonites are near the top when it comes to love-making. How else do you […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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