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Month: March 2020

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Super Excited as His Live-Streamed Sermon Gets Three Whole Views

March 22, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Pastor Dave is super pumped about the response he got from his live-streamed sermon this morning, which had three views and another viewer who left the live-stream halfway through. “Quite frankly, it’s better […]

The Daily Bonnet

Niverville Vows to Overtake Steinbach for Most Number of Traffic Lights

March 21, 2020 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB With its first traffic light forthcoming this summer, the town of Niverville is eager to surpass rival community Steinbach for the title of most traffic lights in the Southeast. “Sure, we’ve only got […]

Unger Suspicion

Idiot Spring Breakers Force Sharks to Take Matters Into Their Own Hands

March 20, 2020 Andrew

MIAMI, FL After tens of thousands of irresponsible “dude bros” disregarded health officials and decided that the pandemic wasn’t going to stop them from partying and spreading the disease to their elderly relatives, local sharks […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Man Washes Hands to the Entire ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ Album

March 20, 2020 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Burned out rocker Abe Dueck, 61, of Abbotsford has decided to wash his hands eight or nine times a day to all 42 minutes of Pink Floyd’s ‘Dark Side of the Moon’. “Breathe, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Working from Home Completely Naked the Entire Time

March 19, 2020 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Graphic designer Mr. Plett, 58, of Leamington has decided that so long as this coronavirus thing is keeping him at home he might as well not bother to put any clothes on. “I’ve […]

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