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Month: September 2017

Unger Conviction

Why the Church Lobby is Even Better than Tinder!

September 20, 2017 Andrew

BY: MISS SAMANTHA YODER The dating game is tough these days. A lot of my girlfriends have resorted to going online to find a suitable partner, but I maintain that you can never beat your […]

Unger Suspicion

Massive Concrete Wall Divides Kitchener and Waterloo

September 19, 2017 Andrew

KITCHENER-WATERLOO, ON Residents of Kitchener-Waterloo were shocked to discover a four-metre concrete wall dividing the twin cities when they woke up this morning. The ‘Kitchener-Waterloo Wall,’ which stretches for miles between the two cities and […]

Unger Suspicion

Hundreds of Illegal Migrants Cross Canadian Border on Segways

September 19, 2017 Andrew

CORNWALL, ON According to reliable reports, border towns across Canada have been facing a mass influx of Segway drivers in recent months. As a result, concerned citizens are calling on the Canadian Prime Minister to […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Subsists Entirely on Free Hot Dogs

September 18, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For more than thirty years, local man Mr. F. Wiens has been a fixture at free hot dog giveaways across the Hanover area. From grand openings to open houses and church picnics to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Province to Enforce Demilitarized Zone Between Morden and Winkler

September 17, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER-MORDEN, MB In order to ease tensions in the region, a mile-wide demilitarized zone has been established between the twin Mennonite cities of Morden and Winkler. The Pembina Valley DMZ will act as a buffer […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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