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Month: June 2016

The Daily Bonnet

Every Single Street in Steinbach to Go Under Construction Simultaneously…and Reverted to Gravel

June 22, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Construction crews are out in force in Steinbach, stripping the pavement from every single street in town at the very same time. “Once we’ve stripped the concrete off,” explained crew leader Paul Froese, […]

Unger Suspicion

Kermit the Frog Weighs in on Steinbach Pride Controversy

June 21, 2016 Andrew

ST. PIERRE-JOLYS, MB This July, Manitoba’s third largest city will host its first ever Pride march, which has presented the ultimate catch-22 for any southern Manitoba politician: show up at the Pride walk and be […]

The Daily Bonnet

Sloth Emerges Victorious in Mennonite Dance Competition

June 20, 2016 Andrew

ASUNCION, PARAGUAY The competition was fierce at the International Mennonite Dance-Off in Asuncion, Paraguay this past week. While Arturo Penner was able to hold his own through four rounds of competition, in the end it […]

The Daily Bonnet

Stay-at-Home Dad Severely Rebuked By Church Elders

June 19, 2016 Andrew

KRONSTHAL, MB Local Mennonite dad, Heinrich Loeppky, 29, has been reprimanded by the church elder board for staying home with the kids while his wife quickly stopped at the store for a few items. “There […]

The Daily Bonnet

Thousands of Steinbachers Set Up Lawn Chairs Just Outside Concert Gates To Avoid Paying

June 18, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Always trying to getting something for nothing, tens of thousands of Steinbachers pitched their lawn chairs within listening distance of Summer in the City concerts this weekend. “Yeah, well, I can hear perfectly […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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