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Unger the Influence

Feds Announce New High-Speed Rail Line Between Morden and Winkler

February 19, 2025 Andrew

MORDEN-WINKLER, MB Days before the upcoming election, the federal government has committed upwards of $80 billion to build a high-speed rail line in the five mile stretch between Morden and Winkler. “There will be stops […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Winkler Costco to Open Up on West End of Winnipeg

February 16, 2025 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Winkler is finally getting its own Costco store, which will be conveniently located just an hour and a half away in Winnipeg. “Finally, Winkler’s getting a Costco!” proclaimed local man John Penner. “It’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Residents Hooked on New Video Game ‘Pac-Mannanite’

July 9, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB It’s taking the Pembina Valley by storm – Pac-Mannanite! The new video game, which was released as a table-top version and installed in coffee shops across the region, is so addictive that some […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Man Racks Up $5 Million in Roaming Charges After Venturing into Morden

May 31, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man Dave Sawatzky was shocked when he received his phone bill this month, which tallied up to a whopping $5.2 million, all due to a quick afternoon trip to Morden. “I thought […]

Unger the Influence

City of Morden Ceases to Exist After Being Lumped Into Winkler Metro Area

May 23, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER-MORDEN, MB The City of Morden is no more after being absorbed into the City of Winkler’s census agglomeration according to Statistics Canada. “They’re not even calling it Morden-Winkler or Winkler-Morden,” said Morden resident Arthur […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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