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thrift store

Unger the Influence

Epstein Files Discovered at Local Thrift Store

July 9, 2025 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA In a shocking turn of events in the seeming never-ending Epstein saga, the complete uncensored Epstein files were found in the “Something Special” display case at a local second hand shop. “They wanted […]

The Daily Bonnet

MCC Superfans Now Known as ‘Thrifties’

November 30, 2024 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Thousands of enthusiastic shoppers gathered at their local MCC store this week to share a few hugs, exchange friendship bracelets, and get their hands on some gently used denim skirts. They’re known as […]

Unger the Influence

Thrift Store Burns Couch Donated By J.D. Vance

August 7, 2024 Andrew

MIDDELTON, OH A local thrift store has only a short list of items it will not accept, including cloth diapers, encyclopedia sets and, now, apparently gently-used couches formerly owned by J.D. Vance. “Normally we can […]

The Daily Bonnet

Tupperware Rep Finds Lucrative New Side Hustle

April 17, 2024 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Local Tupperware rep Anne Barkman has seen such an uptick in demand as of late that the 30-year-old mother-of-6 has decided to expand her line of products. “I was walking through the MCC […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Drives 40 Minutes Out of Her Way to Go to the “Good” Thrift Store

March 8, 2024 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Despite protests from her husband who just didn’t understand, area woman Erin Stobbe drove nearly an hour from her inferior local thrift store to go to the “good one” in Altona. “Oba, my […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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