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Unger Games

Jonathan Toews Signs with Only Team that Knows How to Pronounce His Last Name Correctly

June 20, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Winnipeg Jets scored a major coup this week after signing hometown hero and NHL legend Jonathan Toews, who, according to rumours, signed with the team exclusively because “they’re the only ones who […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Welcomes New Law Firm ‘Friesen Froese Harder’

February 6, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mennonites across Manitoba are excited about the new law firm Friesen Froese Harder that just opened up this week on Henderson Highway. “It was minus 35 on the day of our grand opening,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Why is Loewen pronounced “Low-en” and Toews pronounced “Taves”?

February 1, 2025 Andrew

Of all the mysteries that have befallen the Mennonite community over the centuries, the most baffling is why Loewen is pronounced “Low-en” and Toews is pronounced “Taves.” For consistency they should either be pronounced Layven […]

Unger Games

Hockey Player Suspended 5 Games for Calling Jonathan Toews a ‘Mennonite’

November 12, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After an unseemly incident in London, Ontario this week, the NHL has decided to ban players from calling Mennonites Mennonites. “What’s next? Someone’s going to call Jonathan Toews a Mennonite? Oba nay!” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Gather for Harder-Dyck Wedding

November 8, 2024 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Dozens of Harders and Dycks, along with their friends and churchmates, gathered in at the Swift Current EMB church this past weekend to witness the wedding of Christopher Harder, 23, and Brittney […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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