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olympics

Unger Games

Mennonites Shocked as Announcers Pronounce ‘Loeppky’ Correctly

July 30, 2024 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE It was the most shocking moment in Eric Loeppky’s storied volleyball career, as announcers at the 2024 Olympics actually said his last name right. “It was no trouble growing up in Steinbach,” said […]

Unger Games

Organizers Apologize For Parody of Rembrandt Mennonite Painting During Olympic Opening Ceremony

July 29, 2024 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE An alleged mockery of the most sacred painting in the Mennonite art canon has come under fire this week, calling for boycotts of the Olympic games by various Mennonite groups. The painting in […]

Unger Games

Olympics Add 20 New Swimming Categories to Artificially Boost Michael Phelps’ Medal Count

July 27, 2024 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE Concerned that his status as “all-time Olympic medal winner” might fall someday, American officials have successfully petitioned the International Olympic Committee to add upwards of twenty new swimming categories. “With these new additions, […]

Unger Games

New Zealand Prime Minister Really Upset Over Canadian Olympic Drone Scandal

July 26, 2024 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE The use of a spy drone by the Canadian Olympic soccer team has got the Prime Minister of New Zealand mighty upset. “This is outrageous,” said Prime Minister Pippin during second breakfast. “You’ve […]

Unger Suspicion

New Olympic-size Swimming Pool Opens in Winnipeg

April 13, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A regulation Olympic-size swimming pool, complete with diving board, and a 24/7 on-duty lifeguard has opened up in the middle of a busy street in Winnipeg this week. “We’re really excited about this […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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