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The Daily Bonnet

Man Consoles Himself With Gospel Music as Team Loses

November 27, 2016 Andrew

LINDEN, AB By now it’s a ritual. Whenever the Calgary Stampeders are in a nail-biter, local football fan Peter B. Janzen throws an Elvis Presley gospel album on the record player in order to win favour […]

Unger Conviction

Mannequin Challenge or…Mennonite Worship Service?

November 20, 2016 Andrew

SHICKLEY, NE Omaha resident Hank Newman took a drive out to Nebraska Mennonite country and was shocked to discover that the recent viral ‘mannequin challenge’ had already reached the area. “I attended a Mennonite worship service […]

Unger Suspicion

Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’ Added to Mennonite Hymnal

November 10, 2016 Andrew

MONTREAL, PQ In a tribute to one of the world’s great songwriters, the Mennonite Church has decided to add Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’ to the hymnal, saying that it is “as beautiful and sacred as anything that’s […]

Unger Suspicion

Justin Bieber Buys Vacation Home in Elkhart, Indiana

September 3, 2016 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Mennonites throughout northern Indiana are excited to have a celebrity in their midst, as Canadian heartthrob and model citizen Justin Bieber has recently purchased a $30,000,000 mansion in Elkhart. The beachfront property on […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Mennonites Pay Tribute to the Tragically Hip

August 21, 2016 Andrew

KINGSTON, ON After the Tragically Hip played their final concert ever last night in Kingston, Ontario, millions of Canadians, including Mennonites, paid tribute to the iconic Canadian band. “I’ve never clapped before in my life…but […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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