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health

Unger Conviction

Church Considering July Return in Empty Arenas

April 26, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Church executives have been conducting closed-door meetings this week to hash out a five-step process to get church back up and running, possibly as soon as July. “We know that July is not […]

Quizzes

What is the first thing you’ll do after the pandemic is over?

April 24, 2020 Andrew

It ain’t over yet. Who knows how long this will last. Right now, we’ve gotta keep doing what we’re doing. But, when this is all over what is the first thing you’ll do? Click on […]

Unger Games

New ‘Chief Medical Officer’ Trading Cards are Flying Off the Shelves

April 16, 2020 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB With no sports to watch at the moment, the provincial Chief Medical Officers have become the nation’s new idols, with children and adults alike enthusiastically following their every move. One local company has […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Wears His Wife’s Düak A Bit Too Low

April 14, 2020 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Local man Earl Fehr, 48, was sorting through the laundry the other day and found himself the perfect item to protect himself during his visits to the grocery store to buy toilet paper […]

Unger Conviction

Streets are So Empty that Mennonite Man Thinks He Missed the Rapture

April 10, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local man Mr. Loewen, 73, went for a Good Friday walk on Main Street Steinbach this afternoon and was suddenly struck with the greatest worry of his life. “Waut de schissjat? There isn’t […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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