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groceries

Unger & Thirst

$80 Million Carton of Eggs Smashes Record in Sotheby’s Auction

February 7, 2025 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY A totally normal carton of eggs sold for a record $80 million plus buyer’s premium in a Sotheby’s auction this week, smashing the previous record of $4.50. “I’ve never seen anything like […]

Unger Games

Maple Leafs Hire Loblaws CEO Galen Weston to Artificially Inflate Fan Expectations

May 13, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON A few short days after being tossed from the playoffs and firing yet another head coach, the Toronto Maple Leafs have announced the signing of Loblaws CEO Galen Weston, renowned across the country […]

Unger & Thirst

Despite Renovations Steinbach Sobeys Will Always Be Penner Foods to Me: A Love Story

April 10, 2022 Andrew

I first met Penner Foods when I was a wee pants schieter, my legs kicking in the child seat of the cold medal grocery cart, my hands never as firmly gripped to the red handle as […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Still Waiting in Line at Penner Foods Parcel Pick-up

August 2, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Almost thirty years after the store shut down, the Schellenberg family of Steinbach is still waiting on parcel #87 at the parcel pickup line at Penner Foods. “Martha’s birthed three children in this […]

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  • Daring Mennonite Couple Get Married on Long Weekend
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  • Local Dog Makes Huge Mess Just to Irritate Owner
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  • Mennonite Woman Looks Exactly the Same in AI-Generated Historical Photos
    December 12, 2022
  • Kitchener-Waterloo to Be Renamed Waterloo-Kitchener
    March 7, 2017
  • Frantic Mennonites Stockpile Hand Sanitizer, Toilet Paper, and Farmer Sausage
    March 8, 2020

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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