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Unger Suspicion

Prime Minister Trudeau is ‘Sick and Tired’ of People Calling Him ‘Justin’

November 2, 2016 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In a press conference this week, Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau announced he had “had it up to here with people calling me Justin.” The official honorific for a sitting Prime Minister is “Right Honourable […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Lady Claims Annual Quilt Auction is ‘Rigged’

October 19, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB After failing to get the winning bid at the last five church quilt auctions, Mrs. Donna Toews, 71, of Altona is now claiming that the whole system is rigged. “I’ve got evidence – I […]

Unger Conviction

100 Million Viewers Expected to Watch Tonight’s Televised Mennonite Elder Board Meeting

September 26, 2016 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA CNN is expecting record viewership tonight as it plans for the first ever live broadcast of a Mennonite elder board meeting. “Some people haven’t been paying attention to the current Mennonite election cycle and […]

Unger Suspicion

Fox News Sold to Group of Mennonite Investors; New Channel to Promote ‘Peace, Love, and Understanding’

September 13, 2016 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Following a $12 billion bid for the notorious news outlet, a group of pacifist Mennonite investors has successfully taken ownership of Fox News and are planning to turn it into a channel that promotes […]

Unger Suspicion

French Police Arrest Mennonite Women for Not Dressing Sexy Enough at the Beach

August 26, 2016 Andrew

CANNES, FRANCE In an effort to enforce their arbitrary and inconsistent definition of secularism, the French government is now cracking down on Mennonite women who are “not dressed nearly sexy enough to be at the beach.” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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