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elders

Unger Conviction

Elders Warn that Morden, Manitoba is Full of ‘Aufjefollna’ Mennonites

November 17, 2019 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Cousin Pieta of Reinland was spotted cruising down the highway to Morden this past week and was immediately branded as ‘aufaulle‘ by the village purity committee. “Diestchlaund, that cousin Pieta, heading to Morden […]

Unger Suspicion

Seven Ways the Canadian Senate is Just Like Your Mennonite Elder Board

June 9, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Ahh, the Canadian Senate, a collection of old irrelevant out-of-touch people who somehow have the power to make decisions around here…oh, wait, are we talking about the elder board? Well, there are some […]

Unger Conviction

Blood Moon ‘A Sign From God’ that the Reign of the Fundamentalist Mennonite Elders Has Come to an End

July 27, 2018 Andrew

BERGTHAL, MB Conservative Mennonites across North America are interpreting tonight’s blood moon as a ‘clear sign from God’ that they no longer have to follow the ‘bullshit rules’ of the elders and can now live […]

Unger Conviction

Military Called In to Prevent Mennonite Woman from Getting Behind the Pulpit

June 28, 2018 Andrew

ASHLAND, PA The National Guard were rushed into a small Pennsylvania church this past Sunday after a Mennonite woman attempted to get behind the pulpit and elucidate the audience on the Book of 2 Peter. […]

Quizzes

Quiz: Is it a sin or is it NOT a sin?

June 22, 2018 Andrew

Let’s face it, a lot of the stuff the elders claimed was sinful was just made up at a board meeting back in the 1960s sometime. Still, if you’ve been raised in a strict Mennonite […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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