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Unger & Thirst

Mrs. Janzen’s Day Old Buns a Big Hit with Frugal Mennonites

June 7, 2020 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Mennonites across the region have been clamouring to get their hands on Mrs. Janzen’s day old buns, which she offers for a significantly discounted price. “Every loves Mrs. Janzen’s buns,” said Mr. Fehr. […]

Unger & Thirst

Resourceful Mennonite Woman Makes Do With Hamburger Patties and Hot Dog Buns

May 25, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB It was a peculiar combination, but Mrs. Doerksen managed to hold a Doerksen family BBQ this weekend even though she’d completely run out of hamburger buns. “Mench ekj saj, the hamburgers come in […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Discovers Brave New World of Fried Vereniki

April 1, 2020 Andrew

“O, wonder! How many goodly creatures are there here! How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world, That has such people in’t!” -William Shakespeare, The Tempest ALTONA, MB A church lunch this past Sunday has […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Confesses that Ruehrei is the Only Thing He Can Cook

January 27, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENHOF, MB Mr. Unger, 51, of Blumenhof has been making a delicious serving of ruehrei once a week for the past thirty-two years and his wife Wilma has had enough of it already. “Diewel, that man! […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Shunned for Not Making Her Own Crusts

January 21, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Mrs. Eby is facing intense scrutiny this week after it was revealed she hasn’t made her own crust since 1987. “Ach, why bother making a crust from scratch when you can buy a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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