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Unger Conviction

Church Basement Chair Recruited To Help Change Lightbulb

August 16, 2024 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN How many Mennonites does it take to change a lightbulb? Two … plus one of those wooden church basement chairs. For centuries Mennonites have called upon the wooden church basement chair to […]

Unger Conviction

Cellphone Ban Coming to Mennonite Churches this Fall

August 15, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB In a historic agreement, Mennonite denominations across the province have come together in a united front to ban all cellphones in church this fall. “Look we know the sermon’s boring, but we can’t […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Schedules Mandatory Church Meeting During Game 7

June 22, 2024 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Pastor John of the North Edmonton Mennonite made sure to schedule a important mandatory Bruderhof meeting for Monday evening as soon as he found out the Oilers had made it to game 7. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Excited to Take Flight in Neighbour’s Flying Car

March 28, 2024 Andrew

ELKHART, IN The whole neighbourhood was abuzz this week as Mr. Funk of Elkhart unveiled his new license plate, which clearly indicated he had converted his sedan into a flying car. Naturally, next door neighbour […]

Unger Conviction

Christian Church Continues Longstanding Christian Tradition of Doing the Opposite of Everything Christ Ever Taught

March 26, 2024 Andrew

DALLAS, TX The ministerial team at Waters of Blessing church in Dallas, Texas have decided it was time to clarify their message to the world. In a stirring sermon this Sunday, the church outlined their […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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