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The Daily Bonnet

Entire City of Steinbach to Stretch Out Along Highway 12

August 7, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Eager to reach neighbouring Ste. Anne before the end of the decade, the City of Steinbach has decided to relocate all existing houses, businesses, and churches to stretch out for miles along Highway […]

Unger Conviction

Megachurch Rakes in Billions, Tops Fortune 500 List

August 5, 2017 Andrew

HOUSTON, TX With more than 400 billion net profit in 2016, a Houston-based megachurch called Waters of Blessing has become the first Christian church to top the Fortune 500 list of largest corporations by revenue. “I […]

Unger & Thirst

Pepsi-Cola to Rebrand in Mennonite Country

August 1, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Due to slumping sales, Pepsi-Cola is undergoing a name and logo change in certain markets such as the Pembina Valley, Fraser Valley, Chihuahua and the Paraguayan Chaco. The cola will now officially be known […]

The Daily Bonnet

Credit Unions Forced to Conduct All Business in Low German

July 28, 2017 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Starting this August, the federal government will be enforcing decades old legislation that requires all credit union workers to refrain from speaking English, a language reserved exclusively for banks. “Only actual bankers will be […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Caught Shopping on a Sunday

July 13, 2017 Andrew

ST. VITAL, MB Area woman Jessica Epp of Altona decided she’d just rush into the city to pick up a few things at Costco after church this Sunday. Little did she know that the church […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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