The Unger Review
  • Sections
    • The Daily Bonnet
    • Headline Contest
    • Unger Conviction
    • Unger Games
    • Unger the Influence
    • Unger Suspicion
    • Unger & Thirst
  • Mennotoba
  • The Daily Bonnet
  • The Best of the Bonnet
  • About
  • Merch
  • Andrew Unger

abstinence

Daily Bonnet

Beloved Mennonite Sex Educator to Be Honoured at Church this Sunday

July 3, 2023 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Renowned Mennonite sex educator Susanna Janzen, 91, will be honoured at the morning service this Sunday for her tireless dedication to keep Mennonites from finding out anything about sex until well after […]

The Daily Bonnet

Intercourse, Pennsylvania to be Renamed Abstinence, Pennsylvania

February 20, 2020 Andrew

ABSTINENCE, PA The tiny Mennonite village of Intercourse, Pennsylvania has had a wildly inappropriate name for quite some time now and area residents are finally ready for a change. “People are coming here for all […]

Unger Conviction

Dating Couple Finds Convenient Loophole in Purity Pledge

March 27, 2018 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA College juniors, Matt Lewis and Bethany Lehman, are among thousands of American young people to sign pledges committing themselves to “remain pure until marriage.” Luckily for the newly dating couple, however, they were able to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Lobby Group Promotes “Abstinence Only” Dance Education

August 18, 2016 Andrew

KALONA, IA A concerned group of Iowa Mennonites has met with the director of the Department of Education to request the inclusion of abstinence-only dance education in the state curriculum. “Total abstinence from dancing is the […]

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram

More from the unger review

  • Here’s Your Winnipeg Weather Forecast for the Next Few Months
    April 11, 2018
  • Mennonite Man Charged with Distracted Driving for Knacking Zoat Behind the Wheel
    April 6, 2018
  • Entire Province of Manitoba Hikes ‘Hunt Lake Trail’ All at Once
    July 5, 2021
  • Looming Postal Strike Causes Concern for Mennonites Trying to Communicate With Relatives
    August 29, 2016
  • Mennonite Man is Just About Ready to Start His Christmas Shopping
    December 23, 2023

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

HOME OF

Copyright © 2025 The Unger Review - All Rights Reserved