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Unger the Influence

Angry MP Calls Yerba Mate Gourds ‘Woke’

May 9, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Conservative MP Lindsey Rude says she’s sick and tired of all the environmentally-friendly yerba mate gourds she sees around town. “The gourds are bad enough,” said Rude, “but they’ve even got those woke […]

Unger Suspicion

Beta Male Finally Switches to VHS

May 8, 2024 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Dave Miller, 31, of Goshen has been a devout Beta male ever since he inherited his grandfather’s VCR and collection of Smokey and the Bandit movies from the 80s. “And people say being […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Man Stuck 15 Years At Train Crossing

May 7, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area man Greg Neufeld, 41, stopped for a train in Winnipeg back in 2009 and, according to this wife Diane, is still there some 15 years later. “I texted him to see where […]

Unger & Thirst

Winnipeg Man Subsists on Nothing but Rae and Jerry’s Tomato Juice for the Past 60 Years

May 6, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area man Don Driedger, 79, has been consuming nothing but Rae and Jerry’s delicious tomato juice for the past six decades. “Oh, sure, occasionally I’ll go with the soup,” said Driedger, “but 9 […]

Unger Games

Jets Fans Relieved that At Least the Leafs are Out Now Too

May 5, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The entire City of Winnipeg breathed a collective sigh of relief last night as the Toronto Maple Leafs lost in overtime to the Boston Bruins. “Yikes, that was a close one,” said Winnipeger […]

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